Deadly sins for the Internet age

The Pope recently declared that social networking is bad for the soul. While he is praying for the downfall of Facebook he may not be aware that there is a bigger problem with the Internet. It is full of temptation and turns surfers into sinners before you can tweet Hail Mary. To help his holiness I’ve compiled a list of deadly sins 2.0 with a little help from Wikipedia.

Extravagance (Latin, luxuria) is unrestrained excess. Extravagant behaviour includes the frequent purchase of luxury goods, and forms of debauchery.

It’s so easy to spend money online. One-click and you’ve bought something you don’t really need. You get obsessed with winning that eBay auction to the point of staying up all night to make a bid in the last 10 seconds. While you are not buying you are drooling over gadgets or reading reviews of cars you can’t afford. Repent before it is too late – put that credit card back where it belongs. Or donate what you were just about to spend to charity.

Lust or lechery, is usually thought of as excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature. Dante’s criterion was excessive love of others, which therefore rendered love and devotion to God as secondary.

Prostitution is said to be the oldest profession. The sex industry was also there at the genesis of the Internet too. We all know how Internet porn is a huge industry thanks to clicking sinners. It’s so easy to find (I’ve been told) and every fantasy is catered for. Don’t blame the spammers for tempting you. If your hand offends thee cut it off. Or just shut down your PC.

Gluttony Derived from the Latin gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony (Latin, gula) is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste.

Wasted time more like it. Just how many viral videos can one person watch in a day? Or can you resist having one more go at a mind numbingly silly game someone sent you. How many movies or TV shows can you really download and actually watch? Beware, just like eating too much you might start feeling nauseous. Or end up in hell watching Susan Boyle remixes non-stop on YouTube for eternity!!

Greed (Latin, avaritia), also known as avarice or covetousness, is, like lust and gluttony, a sin of excess. However, greed (as seen by the church) is applied to the acquisition of wealth in particular.

Everyone dreams of becoming rich. Dot com rich. So many new ventures and start-ups are driven by this powerful urge to live the life of the successful entrepreneur. No matter if your dot com idea makes no sense. It’s your ticket to the top – but will only lead to your damnation. Devote your time to helping the poor instead. Hold on, is www.soupkitchen.com taken yet? Stop it!!

Despair (Latin, Tristitia) describes a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontent, which causes unhappiness with one’s current situation.

Spend any time on the Internet and you’ll come across people who are more interesting, exciting, intelligent, successful, funny, lucky, happy, beautiful and basically better than you. No wonder you feel despair. There are even groups where you can share your despair and encourage each other to do yourselves harm. Switch off your computer and go to the church. Turn your despair into guilt instead.

Sloth is described as the failure to utilize one’s talents and gifts.

Well if you will spend your time online it can only lead to complete laziness. Forget about using your talents. You don’t even need to use your legs or brain for that matter. Get instant recommendations for just about everything. Buy anything you need and have it delivered to your door. Shame on you! What about using your God-given gifts? Like that fat guy dancing to Single Ladies?

Wrath (Latin, ira), also known as anger or “rage”, may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger.

Clearly the Internet has provided a channel for everyone to pour out their wrath. Didn’t like a book? Give zero stars and insults to anyone that gave it otherwise. Chatrooms? How about bloodbaths? Even Tour de France cyclists rage at each other via Twitter. Give peace a chance. Change your ways and turn to religion. Oh, that makes you angry too?

Envy (Latin, invidia) is when someone resents that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking.

Very closely linked to greed, it occurs when we watch a video of grinning buffoons who’ve just sold their website to Google for billions. They don’t care that it will make no money for their buyers. They’ve made it and you watch in total envy. But don’t forget. Blessed is he that considereth the poor: the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble. Now don’t you feel better?

Pride or hubris, is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and indeed the ultimate source from which the others arise.

As you write your blog or tweet about yourself, make your own video CV showing your numerous talents… or upload a video of yourself performing some amazing feat. Just remember that pride comes before fall. God might smite your visitors and you’ll see your popularity drop to zero. Ashton Kutcher, hope you’re listening.

So tread carefully online if you care about your spiritual well-being. Just say out loud “Get behind me Satan”, or Facebook, Twitter, eBay, YouTube…

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